


When Hank Met Mulder

by Amorfati32



Series: When Hank Met [2]
Category: Californication (TV), The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amorfati32/pseuds/Amorfati32
Summary: Set two years after Hank Moody and Dana Scully first met. They're back at the same bar, and his time Mulder is there too.





	When Hank Met Mulder

He spots her the instant she walks into the bar, her hair giving her away. She glances around the room, almost as though she’s looking for him. Somehow he knows she’s not.

For a moment he isn’t entirely sure here he knows her from – he half wonders whether he shared her bed once upon a time, at least for a night, and then it dawns on him. The one that got away, or one of the many who’d gotten away over the years. He’s thought about her from time to time over the years, as stupid as it sounds. She’d made a big impression on him; she’d seemed so lost and alone when they’d spoken, and then on top of that she’d told him he was sick. She wasn’t easily forgettable.

But now, as she walks towards the bar, she looks well. Very well in fact. Her hair is a little shorter than when he last saw her, and her clothes thankfully a little tighter. Her cheeks are full of color, at least compared to the last time, and a smile plays at her lips. She doesn’t look sick at all. 

“Mrs FBI!” Hank greets her as she comes to a standstill at the bar, just a few meters away from him. Her head instantly whips round as she hears the greeting, and she raises her eyebrows in surprise as she meets his eye. “Mul…?” She catches herself, and Hank notices the instant she recognizes him. “Oh!” she exclaims. “Mr –”

“Moody.”

“Hank.”

“That’s right.” So he’s not the only one who remembers that night. The thought comforts him somehow. “How are things Mrs FBI?” he asks, taking in her appearance and checking her hands for good measure. No ring, not yet, so there’s still hope for him. “What can I get you?”

“Oh.” She looks behind her, as though searching for someone in the crowd. After a moment Hank realizes that’s exactly what she’s doing. “Thank you, but I’m with someone tonight.”

A moment later, the “someone” enters, and Hank is surprisingly relieved to see it’s Mr FBI, his brother from another mother. “So I see.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re with him as in you’re out here working, or…?” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but they both know what he’s insinuating. 

Scully smiles as she remembers a conversation the two of them had a little over two years ago. “We’re in LA for a case,” she answers, before edging closer to whisper to him. “But I also know what his sex face looks like.”

Hank laughs. “Atta girl,” he exclaims, lifting a hand up for a high five. Scully immediately obliges. “I’m glad you’re finally –”

“Scully?”

“…Getting some.”

“Mulder.” Scully turns to face her partner, who’s shooting Hank a suspicious look. “Do you remember Mr Moody?”

Her partner’s eyes narrow as he looks Hank up and down. “I can’t say that I do,” he replies coolly. Hank recognizes that one of voice. Jealousy. He grins smugly up at the man next to him.

“Dana and I go way back, don’t we?”

Well aware of what he’s up to, Scully rolls her eyes. “I need the bathroom. Can you boys play nice for a few minutes?”

“Can we Mr FBI?”

Mulder doesn’t look too keen at the prospect of being left alone with a relative stranger, but Scully gives him no other option. “I won’t be long,” she reassures him, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Can you get me a drink?”

He nods as she turns and walks off in the direction of the bathroom. Both Mulder and Hank watch her go, the two of them transfixed by the sight of her. 

“You lucky, lucky bastard,” Hank comments.

“Sorry?”

“I said you’re a lucky bastard.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit. I mean you’re lucky to have the delectable Agent Scully warming your bed at night. I bet she’s a little firecracker in the sack.” Mulder glares at him. “I mean I’m just presuming. Sadly I’m not speaking from experience. Wait, you really don’t remember me?”

Mulder shakes his head, then pauses to give his drinks order to the barman; a beer for him, gin and tonic for Scully. “I can’t say that I do,” he replies moments later. “You obviously made quite an impression on Scully though.” 

“We met two years ago,” Hank explains. “In this very bar. You’d pissed off your partner, and not for the first time I’m guessing. Dana and I had drinks and talked. When you’d finally got your head out of your ass and came to find her, I was the helpful schmuck who told you not to fuck it all up.”

It suddenly dawns on him. “That was you?”

“You sound surprised. I wasn’t aware I looked any different.”

Mulder ignores him, his mind back in 1994. “It was good advice,” he suddenly says, remembering. 

“I know. It’s not every day I dish it out, but when I do it’s usually profound pearls of wisdom.”

“I guess I should say thanks.” As if on cue, Hank sets his now empty tumbler down on the counter. Mulder takes the hint. “Same again?”

“Grateful.” Hank waits as Mulder requests the additional drink. “So everything turned out well I see.”

“Life still has its moments.”

“She was sick.”

Mulder gives him a look of surprise. “She told you that?”

“Yeah.”

“Cancer.”

“Fuck.”

“It nearly killed her.” Hank can hear the pain in the other man’s voice.

“But she got through it.”

“She got her cure. We still hold our breath each time she has a headache or comes down with the flu, but so far so good.”

“I’m glad.” He means it too. 

“So, I have to ask. What went on between the two of you?” Hank can tell he’s been curious ever since the night they first met.

“Dana didn’t tell you?”

“No. She didn’t tell me much in those days.”

He decides to put Mulder out of his misery. “Like I said, we met here. Dana looked lost and lonely, so me, being a hot-blooded male, tried to pick her up. She, being a sensible woman who knows exactly what she wants, declined.” For some reason he doesn’t tell Mulder that Dana had been about to go home with him. Hank thought about that later that evening, when he’d gone back to his apartment alone. He’d been shocked when Dana had agreed to go with him in the first place, and deep down he’d known that nothing would happen. She was in a bad place, anyone could have seen that. 

“Who knows what she wants,” Mulder repeats.

“It was obvious from the way she spoke about you that there was something going on.”

“Really?” The surprise is evident in his voice. 

“Women only get that pissed off when they’re in love.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Hell no, women only get pissed off with me because I’m an asshole.” But he doesn’t want to talk about that. “I’m glad you took my advice though, you’re welcome.”

“Well, I didn’t for a while.”

“You gave her a few days to calm down? I can’t say I blame you, it’s true what they say, redheads are fiery.”

“More like a few years.”

“What?” The barman glares at Hank as he sets down the additional drink.

“About three months ago.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Mulder shakes his head. “It took me a while to get my head out of my ass.”

“No shit.” Hank glares at the man opposite him incredulously. “Man, I should have tried harder to pick her up.” He sighs, taking in a drink. “But you’re treating her well?”

“As well as I can. She deserves better though.”

“Yeah well, feel free to pass on my number.” Hank shakes his head. “Three months ago?”

Mulder nods sheepishly. “What about you?”

“Me? Oh my love life is even more shocking than yours was up until three months ago. Still,” he adds, as Scully reappears, approaching them somewhat cautiously, as though she’d been expecting to find them fighting. “I’m glad she’s happy.”

Mulder looks genuinely surprised by his words. “Thank you.”

“Everything ok?” Scully asks as she reaches the bar, a hint of skepticism in her voice. 

“It sure is,” Hank pipes up, before Mulder has a chance to speak. “I knew you’d finally come round to my way of thinking.” He gets up from his stool and suddenly embraces Scully. “I must say, I don’t get asked to do this every often, but I’d be delighted. I’m honored you want me in your threesome. Like I said to Mulder here, I’ll try anything once.”

As he steps back, Scully gives Mulder a confused glare. She looks as though she’s not quite sure whether or not she believes Hank. “What?”

“I’m just kidding,” he replies, putting her out of her misery. “Although if you’re intrigued by the prospect, I’m willing to oblige. Oblige you that is,” he tells a now bemused Scully. “Mulder will have to find someone else to suck his –”

“It’s always good to see you Hank,” Scully interrupts, as Mulder laughs. 

“You too.” He really means it. “Come, sit down.”

The look Scully shares with Mulder is brief, but Hank still notices it. He’s used it himself on many occasions, he knows what it means. “I’d love to stay and catch up, but I’m needed elsewhere,” he lies. “Places to go, people to see.” From the expression on Mulder’s face, the agent knows that Hank is lying, but Scully doesn’t seem to realize.

“It was great to see you Hank.”

“You too Mrs FBI.”

She suddenly remembers something. “How’s your Baby Momma?”

Hank makes a face. “Not good.”

“No?”

“Not good at all. Long story but I fucked up big time, and I mean big time.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugs, smiling sadly. Karen is another one who has gotten away. “That’s life I guess.” He hugs her once more, and this time Scully relaxes into the embrace, squeezing him tightly. “Take care of yourself Mrs FBI, and if you find yourself wanting a real man…”

“I’ll call you. Take care Hank,” she replies, kissing him on the cheek.

“Careful, I’m already hard just having you in my arms.”

“Hank!” Pulling away, Scully slaps him playfully. “Goodbye.”

“Bye.” Hank nods a goodbye towards Mulder and starts to walk towards the exit. He’s just about to open the door when he hears Mulder’s voice behind him. “Hank?”

“Yeah?” He spins round to come face to face with his lookalike. 

“A few years ago you gave me some good advice, and now it’s my turn. Tell her.”

“What?”

“The woman you and Scully were discussing. Apologize and tell her how you feel about her. That’s what I did, eventually.”

“I think it’s too late for that.”

“Keep telling her. One day she’ll come round.”

Hank nods, then smiles. “Bye Mulder.” He shakes his hand, then watches the FBI agent walk back through the bar towards his partner. Considering his words, Hank then retrieves his phone from his jacket pocket, and dials the familiar number, waiting for the familiar voice to answer. “Hey Karen.”


End file.
